dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
