I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
