Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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