took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
