He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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