im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
