i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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