We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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