You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
