I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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