How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
