if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Life is so much better after having sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
