Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
