So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
