Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
