you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
