I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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