Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
