You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
