I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
