I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
