May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
