my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My feet surprised me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
