Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
