My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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