Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
