New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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