I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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