He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
