ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
