You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
