I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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