That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
