You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
