I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
