i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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