I hate all girls vehemently.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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