i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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