I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
