I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
