I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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