wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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