i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
