She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
