the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
