dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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