You can't motorboat a personality
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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