I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Couch. On fire.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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