did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
