I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
