he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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