I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
