She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
